10:30 am: The intern has arrived. Her belongings are already sprawled all over me. I look forward to another day of being exploited – Yay!
11:30 am: Presently, 3 of them sit around me and ‘work’. While they furiously type on their overheated laptops and simultaneously sip on their chilled nimbu paanis, I suffer from heat stroke and hypothermia at the same time.
12:30 pm: Music emanates from a laptop directly into my ears. Not that song* again. Oh great, they feel the need to tap along to it. I’m a table, not a tabla. And you definitely aren’t musicians…
One of them has gotten up and moved onto manhandling the drum set a few feet away from me. When will they realize that they’re absolutely tone-deaf?
1:30 pm: The dreaded lunch time. Question: What’s more fun than a bunch of people dropping daal and kaddu ki sabzi all over you? Answer: Literally everything. At least after they’re done feasting I get cleaned. Yes, I’m aware that they only clean me for their own matlabi and exploitative reasons, but those 10 seconds are absolute bliss.
2:30 pm: They’re sticking Post-Its on me now. ‘Business Model Canvas – First Draft’, they say. First draft? Just how many are there going to be? This means I’m going to get waxed multiple times, doesn’t it. Great. Can’t wait.
3:30 pm: Music blaring. They’ve moved onto bhajans now. So pious. So devout. Would Lord Ram and Lord Krishna approve of your complete and utter disregard for an innocent table’s well-being?
4:30 pm: I’m wondering what kind of photo shoot would require them to LIE DOWN on me. Creativity ki hadd hoti hai. But these guys clearly seem to think otherwise.
5:30 pm: Brainstorming. Spitballing. Ideating. Sound like harmless enough words, right? Wrong. Enter chai and coffee – ‘creative nectar’ to get their ‘creative juices’ flowing. For me, it just means multiple third degree burns.
6:30 pm: It’s funny how fast and efficiently things get done in the office when it’s time to pack up and leave. Everyone is running around frantically, while I stand still, watching the madness with bittersweet thoughts of the quiet hours ahead of me.
*Closer – The Chainsmokers